Rebuilding Trust After Trust Has Been Broken: Part 2

by Dr. Brian T. Hargis, Guest Blogger, Asher Family Foundation


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You made a promise to go the distance in your marriage and stick it out through the storms of life. Do you remember? Did you mean it?

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.”

For those that aren’t interested in a throw-away marriage, you must face the adversity and disappointment that will come because, mark it down, problems will come. Trust will be broken. Something will happen within the marriage that will cause you to question the relationship and wonder if you should stay or go. It’s at that moment that you must not quit.

"The world says, 'Throw in the towel and give up!' 'It’s not worth it!' 'You’ll find another one!'.

I’ve been there: hurt, confused, crushed and unsure of the future… and the saddest things about it:I was the one that broke trust.The world says, “Throw in the towel and give up!” “It’s not worth it!” “You’ll find another one!” “Get over it and move on!”

Society’s value on marriage has been reduced to a piece of paper titled as a marriage certificate that no longer matters. Societal-culture’s appetite for a quick-fix overrides the character to stick it out. Why? Because real marriage takes work and working through issues is painful! It’s easier to run away!

Let that not be you. Don’t buy in to the throw-away marriage propaganda. Fight for your marriage and choose to REBUILD TRUST after TRUST has been BROKEN.

"Fight for your marriage and choose to REBUILD TRUST after TRUST has been BROKEN


You can never move forward into your marital destiny if you don’t eliminate the negative history. Negative history can be related to issues brought into the marriage from your past or it can be an unresolved issue(s) that occurred during the marriage. Issues that remain unresolved are like a leaking roof that becomes worse over time.

Unresolved issues do not build trust! Instead, they breed resentment, anger and bitterness.

Many people choose to ignore the issues as if they’ll magically disappear, this is what I call a “temporary peace-patch.” Those unresolved issues can remain dormant for months or years but eventually, they’ll surface like a volcanic eruption– usually under stress and anger. Therefore, the only method to rebuild trust is to bring them out, talk about them and seek to eliminate the unresolved issues. Yes, it can be tough and it will be painful, but trust can never be rebuilt if issues remain unresolved.

I encourage you to take responsibility and approach the issues one at a time. Articulate feelings honestly and determine to consummate resolve. It takes effective communication, character, courage. This arduous healing process is necessary in order to eliminate the past and move forward – hand in hand – into your destiny.

“Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee.” Proverbs 20:22

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